DEMO DIVA

I'm sitting here having a platelet transfusion at HUP, actually the Perleman Center which is brand new and very nice. I had Chemo in the hospital last week and I felt terrible all weekend as the worst of the side effects kick in. I should feel better once I get the platelets flowing.

I decided to have the bone marrow transplant. Going though months of Chemo with it's attendant side effects and then having a 70% chance of a recurrence in the next two to five years was emotionally and physiologically too much to consider. I have been cancer free since the first round of Chemo and it's very possible I would fit into the 30% who survive long term without any complications or recurrence of the ALM. The transplant is very high risk but also higher rewards, 60% chance of long term survival and almost no chance of having another bout of leukemia. In the meantime a few thoughts.

Cancer does not define me. I consider it a way station, a place to reflect and regroup and plan my future. Why then do strangers who see my bald head feel compelled to tell me their cancer stories ? They assume that I need reassurance from those who have survived. Truth is that 50% of all woman and 1 in 3 men will get cancer, and almost all of us will have a part in taking care of someone with cancer. One older lady grabbed my hand that was holding a slice of cranberry nut bread and a coffee and said "it's going to be alright"like I was in distress or something. Please lady I just want to be left alone to enjoy my cake ! she then launched into "her story" of survival hair loss and regain and on and on, while I nodded and felt my coffee going cold. Another woman accosted me at Trader Joe's while I was enjoying a cruise in the produce section, imagining all the wonderful things I was going to make and pondering which apples would make the best pie ! Again it's this need to tell "their story" and somehow having had cancer makes them my BFF ! Annoying to say the least. I almost feel like I should disguise myself but a wig no matter how flattering is still a wig, hot uncomfortable and not for me.
I'm playing in my garden most days and everything is growing albeit with the attendant bugs and worms trying to spoil my squash and gourds. I squished a small army of yellow and green caterpillars who were munching away on my fennel. Not very zen of me. I'm eating the tomatoes cooked which is how it has to be while I'm in the low blood count zones. Can't risk bacteria and or fungus getting into my immune compromised system. Enough venting ! The platelets are working their magic so it's time for a quick shop at TJ's then cooking, eating and sleeping. Nice this is.